Oxycontin News Blog

The Humor Gazette's roving reporter cornered Rove outside an Arlington, Virginia, liquor store and was able to snap a mugshot of the disheveled deputy chief of staff.

Asked for a comment, Rove emitted a guttural growling sound and began shredding unidentified documents with his razor-sharp teeth.

Some Democrats believe Rove ought to be given an opportunity to cut a deal in exchange for sensitive information about whose idea it was to drag the nation into an unnecessary war based on bogus claims about Saddam Hussein's infamous, and imaginary, weapons of mass destruction. However, sources say White House counsel Harriet Miers has advised Rove to keep his mouth shut.

Editor's Note: Technically, Rove has not been indicted yet. But our high-ranking imaginary sources "indicate" that he still might be, so we felt it was important to break the news before any actual indictment. If any of the above information turns out to be wrong, we will be sure to publish a correction sometime next week. Look for it on Page 92, down there in the corner next to the ad for Triple Action Gold Bond Powder.

In a related development, vice presidential henchman G. Gordon "Scooter" Libby, facing an indictment later today, led police on a three-state, high-speed chase in a white Ford Bronco before being subdued with a tranquilizer dart.

John Breneman can be reached at john.bee@verizon.net .

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